The meaning of timshel. . .

"Ah!" said Lee. "I've wanted to tell you this for a long time. I even anticipated your questions and I am well prepared. Any writing which has influenced the thinking and the lives of innumerable people is important. Now, there are many millions in their sects and churches who feel the order, 'Do thou,' and throw their weight into obedience. And there are millions more who feel predestination in 'Thou shalt.' Nothing they may do can interfere with what will be. But 'Thou mayest'! Why, that makes a man great, that gives him stature with the gods, for in his weakness and his filth and his murder of his brother he has still the great choice. He can choose his course and fight it through and win." Lee's voice was a chant of triumph.
-John Steinbeck, East of Eden

Monday, October 18, 2010

The line in the sand

Where do I draw it? At what point do I say, you can go this far and no farther? In trying to foster independence, have I permitted too much? My 18 year old thinks that "18" is a magic number and demands to be treated as an adult. His definition includes parental availability when he wants it (i.e. rides to and from wherever) and parental disinvolvement when he doesn't (i.e. stay over night at a friend's without permission). Today I called him on it. After specifically disobeying us (in big ways) twice in the last 24 hours, he wanted a ride home from work. I refused. And I made Troy refuse too. I'm fine with my own decision; perhaps I was wrong to insist on it from my husband. But if we're not united in our stand, it's not really a stand. So what's the answer? Where should my line in the sand be? And if I made the right decision I think I made, why do I still feel so yucky?
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